By Priscilla Mukokobi | 7 May 2021
BERNARD Namayonga (50), a polygamist in the Zambezi region, says he has found the perfect formula for keeping his two wives happy, despite them sharing a husband.
Namayonga married his first wife at the age of 25, and 15 years later married his second wife.
This means he has been in a polygamous marriage for the past 10 years.
Namayonga says he is dedicated and committed to both wives and they are a happy family despite challenges.
“Having two or more wives is not easy – to handle them you have to have a heart. For instance, if I give them both N$100, one would use it wisely, and the other one would not. She would waste it and start complaining. That is how you would know who has a problem and who does not,” he says.
He says he has learnt to live with the challenges that come with a polygamous marriage, adding he had to formally ask his first wife for permission before taking his second wife.
“Even though it was a hard decision to build two homes, I had no choice, because it inspired me,” he says.
Namayonga says he has made peace with constantly mediating between his wives due to petty fights, unnecessary competition and jealousy.
“The wives seem to be competing, and they are jealous of each other for no reason, as they are getting the same love, affection and attention,” he says.
A recent survey by The Namibian shows that polygamy is a common practice in the Zambezi region.
Men in this region believe they can have more than four wives under one roof, as long as they look after them.
This is despite traditional leaders and community members speaking out strongly against polygamy, forced marriages, widow inheritance, widow cleansing, dry sex and the high price of lobola.
They say these practices violate women’s rights to be in charge of their own bodies and lives, thereby fuelling the prevalence of HIV-AIDS in the region.
So widespread is the practice that it is also said to be encouraging forced marriages, which involves young girls being married off at a tender age.
Albius Kamwi, one of the Masubia traditional leaders, says such marriages are not appropiate today, but long ago marrying two or more wives was respected.
“Some people marry more than one wife, because their partner cannot have children, but they love her. They therefore have no choice but to marry another woman who can give them children,” he says.
“Having many children is a blessing, because they replace those we lost. We name the children after those who passed on to show that even if they are gone, we do not forget them,” he says.
Kamwi says times have changed though, and today it is not necessary to have many children any more.
Children’s education, medical needs, clothes and food have become too expensive, he says.
“I do not see the need to have more than two wives,” he says.
‘NOT EASY’
Albertina Kawayo has been in a polygamous marriage for most of her life and says it has not been easy, but she has learnt to adapt.
“I’m not against polygamy, but being in this marriage is not easy at all.You will start sinning if you are not careful. In this marriage there are too many fights, competition, and jealousy, and you can find yourself poisoning your husband, because sometimes they come with bad manners. You tell them, but they don’t change,” she says.
Kawayo had no choice when her now late husband one day told her that he wanted to bring another wife into their home. Kawayo further explained that the family has grown and has 13 kids in total, which has made their bond very strong.
Shaun Whittaker, a Windhoek psychologist, says polygmous marriages are a burden to men and their spouses.
The man is burdened with the heavy responsibility of sustaining a big family, which sometimes can be very depressing.
And the wives are deprived psychologically.
This leads to child negligence, as children do not receive the same amount of love and attention, and are less supported.
“I don’t really support polygamy, because it is better to choose happiness where you are loved and respected,” Whittaker says.
He says men have favourites and there is too much competition in this type of marriage.
Whittaker says if a man wants to take in another woman his spouse must file for divorce, because women and children go through a lot.
They may not show it, but it is to their detriment mentally, emotionally and financially.
In some cases women are abused and the children could resort to drugs, alcohol, and theft.
“Woman are strong and brave, therefore they should stop torturing themselves settling for less. Why would a man take in another woman if he truly loves you? If your husband wants to marry another woman, ask him for a divorce ,” he says.
“My advice to women is to stop settling for less. You are better than that. If there’s no love in your relationship, take your children, comfort them and support them, because no one is going to love them the same way you do.”
* This story was produced with the assistance of the Google Grant.
I really like and appreciate your post.Much thanks again. Cool.
Very neat article. Want more.
Hey, thanks for the blog post.Thanks Again. Much obliged.
Very informative post.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool.
Thank you for your blog.Really thank you! Great.
I really enjoy the blog article.Really thank you!
Hey, thanks for the article.Thanks Again.
Say, you got a nice post.Much thanks again. Great.
Im thankful for the blog article.Really thank you! Awesome.
Major thankies for the post.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on…
I really like and appreciate your article.Much thanks again. Will read on…
I truly appreciate this post.Much thanks again. Really Great.
A big thank you for your article post.Much thanks again. Awesome.
I truly appreciate this post.Really thank you! Really Great.
Thanks a lot for the post. Really Great.
Really enjoyed this article post. Keep writing.
Fantastic blog article.Much thanks again. Really Great.
wow, awesome blog.Really thank you! Really Cool.
I really like and appreciate your blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on…
Thanks for the article post.Really thank you! Fantastic.
Thanks so much for the article.Much thanks again.
Awesome blog post.Really thank you! Cool.
Great article post.Thanks Again. Cool.
Hey, thanks for the article post.Much thanks again. Really Great.
I loved your article. Really Great.
I think this is a real great blog post.Much thanks again. Will read on…
Major thankies for the blog post.Really thank you! Really Great.
Thanks again for the blog post. Awesome.
I really like and appreciate your blog article.Thanks Again. Much obliged.
Great, thanks for sharing this blog article.Really thank you! Will read on…
I loved your blog post.Thanks Again. Will read on…
Thanks so much for the article post.Really looking forward to read more. Great.
Really informative blog.Much thanks again. Want more.
Very good blog article.Much thanks again. Want more.
Very neat article post. Really Great.
I cannot thank you enough for the blog article. Much obliged.
Thanks a lot for the blog article.Really thank you! Will read on…
Thanks-a-mundo for the article post.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.
Im thankful for the article post.Much thanks again. Will read on…
Thank you ever so for you article post.Much thanks again. Really Cool.
A round of applause for your article.Really thank you! Want more.
Enjoyed every bit of your post.
Thank you ever so for you post.Much thanks again. Fantastic.
Thank you for your blog article.Really thank you! Keep writing.
This is one awesome article.Really looking forward to read more.
Awesome blog article.Much thanks again.
Muchos Gracias for your blog.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged.
Really informative article.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged.
I cannot thank you enough for the blog post.Really thank you! Cool.
Very informative blog post.Much thanks again. Really Cool.
I am so grateful for your post.Really thank you! Much obliged.
Hey, thanks for the article post.Really thank you! Really Great.
Fantastic post.Thanks Again. Will read on…
I think this is a real great blog post.Really thank you! Fantastic.
Appreciate you sharing, great blog post.
Thanks for the post.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.
Very informative blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.
Major thanks for the article.Thanks Again. Really Great.
Thank you for your article post.Much thanks again. Great.
Enjoyed every bit of your article post.Really thank you! Want more.
Major thanks for the blog article.Much thanks again. Cool.
I value the blog post.Really thank you! Fantastic.
This is one awesome blog. Fantastic.
Looking forward to reading more. Great blog article.Thanks Again. Much obliged.
I loved your blog.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool.
Major thankies for the blog.Really thank you! Much obliged.
Say, you got a nice blog article. Awesome.
I value the blog article.Really thank you! Will read on…
Enjoyed every bit of your article.Much thanks again. Will read on…
I value the blog post.Really thank you! Much obliged.
Thank you for your article.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.
Great blog post.Much thanks again. Cool.
This is one awesome article post.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.
Really informative blog.Thanks Again. Want more.
Really informative article post.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on…
Im thankful for the blog article.Much thanks again.
I value the post.Really looking forward to read more. Great.
Awesome blog.Really thank you! Want more.
I cannot thank you enough for the blog post.
Very neat post.Much thanks again. Awesome.
Really appreciate you sharing this blog article.Really thank you! Will read on…
I appreciate you sharing this blog article.Much thanks again. Fantastic.
Looking forward to reading more. Great blog article.Thanks Again. Want more.